Aruba & Cura\u00e7ao

I spent my birthday on a boat in the Caribbean. There was a rope swing, and I got a round of applause for being the first person to use it successfully — the first guy let go immediately and the second did a hard belly flop, so the bar was low.

Aruba’s wildlife was aggressive. I had a standoff with a giant iguana on my wall that lasted longer than most of my relationships. The weather was perfect until it wasn’t — the flooding that hit was apparently a once-a-year event, and my apartment was on the fifth floor.

Two cruise ships were docked: a Royal Caribbean and a much smaller, gorgeous vessel called the Freewinds. I looked it up. It’s the Scientology ship. I told a friend I’d been enrolled in an accelerated Bridge to Total Freedom pathway and asked them to respect my journey.

Curaçao was the quieter second act — a Spanish Water Resort with turquoise water and painted Dutch colonial buildings in Willemstad. The tan line from years of 7-inch inseams may never go away.